Sons are Mirrors

Our children are often mirrors of ourselves. Sometimes it manifests itself differently. For example, a kid grows up just like his father in the area of rebellion against authority, but instead of the kid rebelling against the government like the father does, the kid rebels against his father. Or a father runs to the bottle and the kid runs to drugs. But both are in the same boat paddling around in the same dark waters.

In Greyfriars Hall 'm teaching a course on how to love your kids and it comes back to me over and over again that the Bible has a lot to say about how to love our kids and how not to love our kids. There are often conditions placed on what is said. For example, Proverbs 19:18 says "Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death." Of course this is not saying that unless you discipline your 2 year old he will die then. But I know that if a son is not disciplined in the right way when he is little there isn't a thing a father can do about his son's behavior when he grows up. If he doesn't learn to be obedient and respectful when he is little, he will not be obedient and respectful when he is 19. The world is a hard place for a son who never learned to be humble and to submit to proper authorities—particularly God. So, in a real way not disciplining your son could lead to his death in a temporal sense, and in an eternal sense.

But there's more, the father has not been obedient and respectful either. He didn't obey the word of God and discipline his son and teaching him how to respect authority. And so the problem is not simply that the son is cursed and has to go his own way (though that is certainly true), but the son also is copying his father in his rebellion.

Before I go too far let me assure you that I am not blaming you in the sense that you knew what to do and didn't do it. You're doing the best you can, I'm sure of that. But the fact remains that you didn't know what to do as a father and thus didn't do what the Bible requires you to have done with your son when he was little and now you are reaping the fruit of that planting and watering. What remains is how to “fix” it.

I suggest first, that you get your mind around your responsibility in your son’s rebellion. You are responsible for his actions because God put you over him. He belongs to you and reflects how you raised him apart from God. Once you do realize how important you were in the journey, you need to repent of your sin and confess it first to God and then to your son. Let your son know that his rebellion is your fault and that you are taking the blame for his sin. Third, let your son know that his rebellion is also his responsibility. He is the one choosing to go that way, to do those things, to be that way. You trained him, but he is also an independent being and can make right choices. He needs to repent and confess his sins and turn back to God. He needs to start again, as you do.

Fourth, depending on how it goes with your son, you might need to pour your heart out to God in prayer and fasting; asking God to grant forgiveness to your son. If your son realizes his place before God, rejoice with him at his coming home to Christ. Sing Psalms and Hymns and rejoice in the Lord. Have a feast, have a party; invite your friends.

I hope this helps.