Doubting Thomas

Hi Thom,

The Gospel in a nutshell is this: Jesus died to save sinners and rose again to prove it. Some sub points of this is that God is God and we are not, God created us, we are creatures, he gets to tell us how to live, we are responsible to live that way, there are consequences for living in a way that is not pleasing to God, there are rewards for living in accord with God's revealed will (in this life and in the next), etc.

It doesn't sound to me like you would disagreeing with anything I've said so far, so what follows will be assuming that.

The rub for you comes in that you don't feel what you think you are supposed to feel with regard to all of this. You don't feel like following God, you don't feel convicted of sin, you don't feel like reading the word, you don't feel like he is active in your life, etc.

My guess is that you are mis naming, or incorrectly defining, these things and looking for something that often does not exist at least in the way you are looking for them. For example you seem to indicate that you think loving God with your whole heart involves something coming into you and then you can act. "I must feel like following God before I can follow God." You didn't say this, but this is what it sounds like you are saying.

But there are a number of things in your letter that make me think you actually do care about what God thinks. First, you are writing to me about it. Second, you label your sin as horrible and ugly. Third, you seem to want to follow God with your whole heart. Fourth, you keep reading the Bible even though you don't feel driven to do so. I could go on and on but you get the point.

People who don't want God in their lives don't care about these things.

It sounds to me like you need to make up your mind to do what you know is right regardless of whether you feel like it or not. God doesn't tell us to love our wives, for example, when we feel like it. He simply tells husbands to love their wives. It isn't a feeling, necessarily, it is an action. Feelings, if they come at all, will come after the act of loving. It is the same thing here. Loving God with all your mind, soul, heart, and strength doesn't really have anything to do with emotions, but what is right.

The Christian life is not about how we feel about things, but how God feels about them. So, when he says, "love your neighbor as yourself" he isn't telling us to gin up emotions toward our neighbor, he is telling us to go over and see if he needs some help, whether we feel like it or not.

It sounds to me like you need to find a good church, get involved, read your Bible, do what it says and if emotions attend to what you are doing, great. If not, that's great too. But do it all because God is God and he requires it of you. Believe that he does it because he loves you. Love him back. Make up your mind to think and act the way the God who loves you tells you to think and act. In other words, don't do it in order to earn anything from him, but because he has acted on your behalf in history because he loves you. Do what you do because it is right and good and holy.

One more thing. Fruit comes by obedience, which comes by belief, trust, and faith. These all come because we believe God has spoken and said to do certain things. We hear them, believe where the command came from, and do themà fruit.

Finally, people who fear that they don't have salvation hardly ever need to. You're right about how terrible it will be for folks to get to Heaven and have Jesus say, "I never knew you," but it doesn't sound like that is your situation. I'm not saying don't be concerned about it. I'm saying change your mind about how you view it and do what you are called to do feelings or not. Incidentally, feelings usually come when we decide to have them. So you might want to think about deciding to be joyful (which is a command by the way), and free because you've been forgiven, and happy because God knows you, etc. These are all choices. Circumstances can influence our emotions, but in the end we decide which emotions to have and when.

Blessings.