Before You Remarry

Hi Moreen,

I'm sorry for taking so long to get back to you. I hope things have smoothed out for you lately. How are things going?

What I meant by patterns and falling into them easily is that when two people who once were pretty much on the same page fall off that page into the situation ending in divorce it is almost always the result of both of their sinfulness, and over time, patterns of sinfulness. When you and George first married, things were better than they were a year ago. Then after your temporary parting 10 years ago, things were good again. But in neither situation did things stay that way. It wasn't one or the other of your faults alone; it takes two people to have a fight and/or to drift away.


George had no idea how to be a godly husband. He didn't know how to love you in a Biblical way and so his lack of love had a particular result in your heart and behavior. But you also didn't know how to be a respectful wife and your lack of respect for him as God's appointment over you resulted in a certain amount of reaction to you on George’s part. These two things combined over 20 years or so resulted in the situation in which you find yourselves today.

You have been divorced and are technically free to remarry. But before you do wisdom says you need to work on some things so that this marriage won’t go the same direction that last one did. Before you remarry, you need to own your part in the Smith family relationship and repent from it. Repentance means to turn away from the sinful attitude and resultant action and turn to the plan God has for a godly woman and wife.

It is very difficult for a woman to respect a man who isn't being respectable, but God calls all women to do this; and with very disrespectable husbands. You had a difficult time respecting George because of the way he treated you and because of the way he made decisions, or not. But God doesn't call wives to submit to their husbands if they love them well, God calls wives to respect and submit to husbands who are sinners. We're all sinners.

You need to know, before you start letting men give you their attention, that no one is perfect. You can always find things wrong with every man. There is no one except Jesus who is truly respectable. But God calls us to respect and obey him first. And his first command to wives is to submit to and respect their very human husbands.

The way you do this, while you are single and waiting, is to work hard on being godly in a general sense. Right now you don't have a husband to submit to, but you do have pastors, elders, and employers. Work hard to draw near to God and submit to him in every area of your life. Do this by doing what he says, and doing what he says with regard to those he's placed over you in the world.

Even though George isn't your husband any more, respect him when you have the opportunity. If he isn't asking you to sin, let him have his way, without arguing or trying to get him to change his mind. Let him see a different Moreen; one who is not in control or who needs to control every situation. Let Jesus be Lord and let his lordship extend to those situations in life where he wills.

I hope this helps,