Wives Respect Your Husbands

Dear Pastor Lawyer,

During a discussion with some of my friends, the comment was made that we are supposed to “respect” our husbands. Someone pointed out that the Bible told us that that was the way we are to be treating them. The problem is that none of us knows what the word ‘respect’ means. Could you help us here? Thanks,

Cindy


Dear Cindy,

Your friend is right. The Bible does command women to respect their husbands (cf. Ephesians 5:33). Let me see if I can help to define the word in a way that will help you obey the command. First, let me point out that when the Bible gives a command, it is generally because the person or people receiving the command need to hear it. In other words, the command is given to us in areas where we don’t naturally comply. If we did, we wouldn’t need the command. This may be one reason why you are having trouble defining and then acting on the command to ‘respect' your husband.

Second, love and respect are two different things. Women are generally good at loving their husbands. He might be a lout and a terrible person, but she will love him; and even if he is beating her, the wife will often stay by his side. On the other hand, men are good at respecting, but not at loving. Hence the command to them is to love their wives.

When we look up the word ‘respect’ in a dictionary and/or thesaurus we find the following: “To feel or show deferential regard for; esteem approval and honor for the qualities of a person or thing, admiration, thoughtful concern about the importance of, show courtesy towards, compliment (not flattery); give attention, deference, reverence, honor, esteem, veneration, admiration; look up to, defer to; have a high opinion of, hold a high opinion of.” When you think about it, these are all things you would do with a head of state, or a boss, or anyone you “respected” or held in “high esteem”.

Now let’s look at it in relation to the command of God to wives. The wife who obeys the command will think and act toward her husband with the above definitions in mind. Most women treat their husbands with respect when they are first married. It is only as time passes and his warts began to show that she slowly loses respect for him and begins to treat him in a less than honorable manner. But this shows that the respect had more to do with her opinion of him than it did with God or God’s commands.

If your respect for your husband has waned, you need to know that the commands of God are not to respect your husband because of anything in your husband that is necessarily respectable, but because God who is worthy of respect and adoration commands it. In other words, wives should respect their husbands in the way that God prescribes because God has prescribed it. It is out of respect for God that wives are to respect their husbands. This works wonderfully if your husband is respectable or if he responds well to being respected (which he will), but even if your husband is a bum, your respect for God requires that you respect your husband. And because God is a God of grace and peace, even if your husband is not respectable, it will work wonderfully in the end.

In closing, let me give you a short list of things you can do to show respect for your husband. Always build him up and compliment him for the things he does well, both in private and in public. Never cut him down, in public or in private. Never argue with him (especially in front of the children). Never correct him in a condescending manner (you can bring the subject up later and ask him about it, but don’t tell him he’s wrong or stupid). Never do or say anything that would bring shame to his heart (cf. Prov. 12.4). Let your words be light and full of honor, deference, and courtesy. Treat your husband as the head of the home (where God has placed him) and let him lead (If he is abdicating his leadership, do not fill the void.). Submit to him and defer to him. Look up to him. Instead of putting love notes in his lunch, write him an occasional respect letter and include all the things you appreciate about him.

I hope this helps,

Pastor Lawyer