Counseling: Trapped In Authority Part 2

What does the wife who feels as though her husband never tells her he loves her do?—Austin

Good question Austin.

It is important to remember that it isn’t just wives who suffer in this way. Everyone who is in a position of humble estate is in this same situation. In my previous post I mentioned young men who did think they were being recognized for their hard work or for their potential for future work. There are many people who are in situations where the person over them never mentions that they appreciate what they do, or appreciate them as people.

First, people in low estate need to turn their eyes upon Jesus. In First Peter the apostle tells wives whose husbands are in sin to focus on Jesus who went before them. He said, “For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly” (1 Peter 2:21-23). Shortly after, he said, “Likewise you wives…” What this tells us is that Jesus lived a life of neglect, loneliness, suffering, even reviling but reacted to it in a certain way—he entrusted himself to the Father, knowing that God would vindicate him and lift him up at the right time. Women who are not loved, need to imitate Jesus, turn to God and entrust themselves to the one who will judge rightly.

Second, James tells us that when we encounter various trials we are to view it with great joy (Jas 1:2; Cf. Heb. 12:2). This means that instead of dreading these times in our lives when we are tempted to throw in the towel and give up on our spouses, employers, etc., we are look to anticipate the situation and embrace it with joy. This, James goes on to say, is because the testing of our faith produces “steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing” (1:3-4). So instead of complaining that your boss doesn’t recognize what an integral member of his organization you are, you should recognize the temptation to grumble as a testing of your faith and rejoice that you were found worthy of that kind of temptation.

Third, in the command to wives whose husband’s are in sin Peter tells wives to serve their husbands as the Lord, even to the point where they call them lord. The way I would translate that for this situation and for the others that we are dealing with here is to say that folks who think they are being neglected should pour it on. Instead of grumbling, work harder. If the boss wants coffee every day at 8:30 and tells you about it, make sure that he never needs to mention it again. In everything that you can, anticipate his every desire and fulfill it before he asks. The temptation is to draw back and “show them.” In this situation, however (especially if you are doing #1 and #2 above) grumbling will get you noticed, but it won’t be a good kind of notice. Instead go the extra mile, work harder, learn more, work faster, give everyone around you a boost in what they are doing, and be a joy to everyone around you.

Finally, in going the extra mile, however, do it for the sake of the Lord, or it will be in vain. If you are serving so that you will get what you want, you will not have the patience to wait for God to work in the situation. Instead work for God and for his glory. Then his joy will be evident in you and your service for him will be recognized by him. As Christians he is the one we care about pleasing anyway. If the husband, boss, or friend notices that’s good, but if he doesn’t you’ve pleased God and are being blessed by him anyway.

I hope this helps,